Tracking an Apocalypse
How The New York Times will cover the zombie invasion
Hiding the Truth About Antifa from Your Uncle
He has nothing to fear but fear of a mostly over-exaggerated leftist militant concept itself
The White House Bunker Diaries
Reports on a week of protests, straight from the unmasked source*
Dog Days Come Early
Those interminable summer days have arrived well in advance of the season itself: 24 hours in the life of, well, everyone
Interview with a Virus
In which he thanks his main man, the super-spreader in chief, Donnie Darkness
The Titanic Daily Task-Force Briefing
“Look, this is just, like, a really big ice cube, O.K.?”
In Search of Lost Food
Keeping track of the days may be a thing of the past, but when it comes to mapping out our next meal, it’s always go time
Looking a Gift Horse in the Mouth
Not a day went by without Trump showing up late to his own coronavirus press briefings. A firsthand account explains what he was up to while the world waited …
Spring-Cleaning
“They’re saying you can’t put it into humans. Not even into Jared. But have they even tried?”: A week in the life of Lysol’s favorite spokesman*
Going Viral
Trump aide Kellyanne Conway explains the COVIDs
A Bug’s Life
The author of Contagion delivers an open letter from a tiny invader who goes by the name Coronavirus
Going Green
No, not that kind of green! A week in the life of an envious (and totally inadequate) social distancer*
Wellness Formula
The relaxation guru behind the cool-as-cucumbers personalities of Rudy Giuliani and Gordon Ramsay reveals her secrets for keeping loose and carrying on
Donald Trump’s Completely Unverified Coronavirus Diary*
Melania makes a run for an epicenter of the coronavirus, Boris reports in from his sickbed, and the president struggles to distinguish between “She” and “Xi”: a week in the life
“Hope You Are Well.”
(And Flush!)
A headshaking selection of “concerned” e-mails we’ve received
“Kanye West Put the Kardashian Sisters to Open the Dictionary!”
Recent headlines and quotations from international glossies, courtesy of Google Translate
The Canadian
Scenes from what should be Martin Scorsese’s next film
Films for Discerning Audiences
The best movies never get made. Time to put a stop to that