“We still get crows, but at least he’s keeping the other crime families out of the corn.”
Small Talk
Making it look easy.
Small Talk
“Honey, come quick! This guy in the comment section just solved the Middle East crisis.”
Small Talk
“Leave the shaker.”
Small Talk
“I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city.”
Small Talk
Small Talk
“All right, all right—I promise I won’t get a second opinion.”
Small Talk
“Oh, great. First the seagulls get my chips, now the sharks are eating Carl.”
Small Talk
“Sorry, Dad, I can’t help you with Facebook. Let me transfer you to Grandpa.”
Small Talk
“He’s counted backwards by fives. He’s named all 50 states plus their capitals. I’m telling you, the tank’s out of anesthesia.”
Small Talk
“Somehow, I thought we’d be done with all that.”
Small Talk
“Do you want African white-backed vultures? Because this is how you’re gonna get African white-backed vultures.”
Small Talk
“The sea is my home. Her raging swells are my walls, her foamy depths my bed. I bide in the fathomless mystery of her inky bosom. Because Brooklyn is just crazy right now.”
Small Talk
“Listen, son—the mournful call of the untenured academic!”
Small Talk
“Remember my frog-slash-boyfriend? Well, now he’s my prince-slash-fiancé!”
Small Talk
“Jerry, you can’t keep coming back from the dead every time I have coffee with someone.”
Small Talk
“This locksmith bill is outrageous. People, please—when you lock ’em up, don’t throw away the key.”
Small Talk
Small Talk
“Our manifesto must offer a measured but devastating critique of flying.”
Small Talk
Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.
Small Talk
“M’lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn.”
Small Talk
“You know, you’re right—a lot of this would be solved by eating his whole head.”
